The short answer is that the secular approach to counseling or coaching teaches you new ways to “lean on your own understanding” rather than trusting God. Real change happens when we admit to God and to others that we can’t fix ourselves and acknowledge that God alone can change us. We do have a part to play in our change, but it's not the obvious "try harder" approach.

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I observed that secular psychology can make small improvements, but I wanted to see life change. Many people would feel better for a short time and then fall down the rabbit hole again. All the best methods of my education didn't allow people to really change their life; they couldn't maintain the improvements in positive emotion and outlook. Standard worldly techniques are not the long-term answer that I hoped they would be.

The answer came when I began to understand character. Psychology and our entertainment-driven world is obsessed with personality, but God is interested in our character. Psychology says that someone with repeated and life-long unhealthy patterns of thinking and behaving has a personality disorder that is almost impossible to improve. However, a book entitled Bold Love opened my eyes to the power of God's love changing us. From the back cover, "We’ve come to view love as being “nice,” yet the kind of love modeled by Jesus Christ has nothing to do with manners or unconditional acceptance. Far from helping you “get along” with others, Bold Love introduces the outlandish possibility of making a significant, life-changing impact on family, friends, coworkers―even your enemies.” This is what I had been searching for all my life.

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I began to see the power of God's word working in the life of every believer. I spent more than 20 years in the psychology field but saw that no amount of human knowledge could compare with God's power, mercy, compassion, and love. Like the apostle Paul, I had to admit about my psychology training, "I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done." Philippians 3:7 NLT

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In the last 14 years I have experienced the healing of God's word in my own life and witnessed it in others through Life Recovery Groups. Life Recovery is not just for alcohol and drug addiction. Christ-centered life recovery is for any sin problem no matter how “small” (i.e., little white lies and gossip) or large. I attended Celebrate Recovery for seven years and completed four Christ-centered 12-step groups to overcome the habit of people pleasing. I also celebrate victory over perfectionism, workaholism, anger, and resentment. Currently, I am connected with resources through New Life Ministries including an online group and a coach for weekly accountability.

My goal in teaching and speaking is to help others see the patterns that keep them from living with contentment and peace. For example, the secular world doesn’t see that people pleasing is a problem. People pleasing is almost the definition of being “nice” and “helpful.” In the world’s view, workaholism is not seen as a flaw, but celebrated as a way to be successful. In truth, people pleasing, workaholism, and other habits like them are destructive to us personally and to our relationships. They are counterfeit ways we tried to earn a sense of worth and belonging. These counterfeit ways hide our identity in God. When we uncover our true identity in God and see ourselves as God sees us, then we have the peace and rest of our worth in Him.

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It doesn't mean that I am “fixed” and do everything perfectly. It means that I now know Who to run to when I am weak. Which of course means every day. It also means that I have compassion for your struggle. I encourage you to change your relationship with God so that you can truly find comfort and strength in God’s love rather than following a list of rules.

I won’t give you the standard Christian answer which is to pray more and read the Bible more. These are important but that answer alone is too simplistic. We need an honest and authentic community of believers to help us live out God’s word: to understand the application and to practice applying it to our lives every day.